Triple Testosterone

What do you do for enjoyment on a submarine? What do you do in your spare time? These are two questions that I’m asked all the time. In a way, it seems a lot like prison. One of the main sources of recreation is working out.

Working out on a submarine? Where do you find the room? When I first came on board, the officer in charge of the propulsion plant was an avid body builder. His body was so well sculpted, his nickname was “The Rock.” During a beach party, women were lining up to touch his chest. He made sure that we had plenty of opportunities for physical fitness. Since he was in charge of the mechanics, he could get them to build or modify any piece of equipment he thought was necessary.

For aerobic exercise, we had a stationary bicycle and a rowing machine. For weight training, the Rock started with a basic Soloflex machine, and had it heavily modified. When the mechanics were through, the machine was only vaguely similar to the original. Weights, pulleys and cables were strung on it, making it the most unique looking piece of exercise equipment in the navy.
This was not the only service that the Rock provided. He was a complete source for physical fitness. He gave out numerous copies of a catalog that offered every nutritional supplement ever devised.

One item became very popular. It was a small spray bottle filled with some liquid. It was advertised that spraying this under your tongue, three times a day, would triple your testosterone levels. I don’t know if this really occurred, but the placebo effect it generated was certainly effective.

Picture this: one hundred twenty men trapped on a sewer pipe, one-third of them with triple the normal testosterone levels in their bodies. They were easy to spot. The walked around with their chests thrust forward, and spent a lot of time grunting. They would pull out their little spray bottles, squirt the bottom of their tongues, and give their best impression of the Incredible Hulk, “Grrrrr!!”

We had men glaring and grunting, slamming their chests into each other to prove their manliness. Weight lifting contests became common place. Every situation was looked at as an opportunity to prove their physical prowess.

Eventually, the Rock left the navy. The last we heard from him, he was in New Orleans working as a model. The exercise equipment fell into disrepair, and the little squirt bottles were emptied. Like Popeye when his can of spinach was empty, the men soon acted weak and impotent. Life returned to its normal state of abnormality.

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