Responsible Drinking

When a sailor returns to port, he likes to blow off a little steam.  When a submariner pulls in, he knows he only has a few short days in port, so he’ll try to cram as much leisure activity into that time a possible.

Most of the men like to go out and drink.  They drink hard and they drink fast.  Are they alcoholics?  They go out to sea on a sewer pipe.  How normally adjusted can they be?

On my third western pacific deployment, we had pulled into Guam.  This is one of our major maintenance stops, so everyone is very busy.  This also means that free time is at a minimum, so everyone shifts into overdrive when they go on liberty.

On the fourth day, we had our morning meeting.  We gathered on the pier, because the captain wanted to address us.  We were all standing in ranks on the pier, when he came up and gave us a little address that went something like this:

“Men, you’ve all been working very hard and I appreciate this.  There is a problem with liberty though.  We’ve had too many alcohol related incidents in the past three days.  I can understand the van getting scratched up on the first night, but last night there was another accident and now we can’t find the rear bumper.  We’ve also had several complaints from the barracks of unruly drunks coming in, vomiting and passing out in the lobby.  From now on, I want everyone to cut back and drink more responsibly.”

“The second item concerns Saturday.  We’re going to have a beach party and a barbecue on the beach over here.  We’ll have a keg of beer and you men can feel free to bring whatever else you’d like to drink.  I’m sure we’ll all have a good time, and I don’t want to see any beer left in the keg when we’re done.”

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